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Thread: Confession Session

  1. #9741

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by piratemarimo View Post
    Spoiler:
    I hate that I can't do anything without my dad asking me, "What are you up to? So who're you chatting with?" Obviously I'm chatting with someone online. He's always had this condescending way of referring to the internet/internet friends, and anything I enjoy doing. He doesn't think he is doing that, but I know damn well how he thinks. Completely assbackwards. I'll say "a friend" and he'll saying, "but WHO are you chatting with I want to know who it is. is it male or female? have you actually met them in person?" as if that should have anything to do with friendship. Morons who think that friendship can't be formed online are living in the past. with the kinds of technological advances allowing us to speak to all sorts of people, why shouldn't that happen? what's so damn wrong about talking to people who live in different places? Any idea how hard it is to talk to people in real life who have common interests? When I've spent most of my life getting stared at like a freak for saying what interests me, why would I ever want to talk to people in person? I have a few close friends, and while they like many things I'm not familiar with, we have lots of common ground too. Hell, they've gotten me into new things!

    The other annoying thing is that lately, I can't achieve anything, no matter how minor, without my dad trying to preach to me about "now if you could just do this for your schoolwork..." He's being a complete buzzkill. I improved table tennis skills! "Great, now if you just apply this to school!" Yeah except the key difference being I LIKE table tennis and do it for leisure. I despise school. Why can't I have fun without him shoehorning in a lecture. I finally passed my fucking written exam today after we've been putting it off for a while, and I can't even get some appreciate for ten seconds before getting the "great now apply that to your schoolwork." Which is still a couple months away yet. I know I've been doing terribly, but if I'm not even going to be recognized for doing something right, it keeps making me feel like my parents don't even see me anymore. It's always, "but this could be better." While that's not bad for self-improvement in the right context, in this case it's really more like "but this isn't good enough." I told my mom today, and I was excited to finally be able to tell her I'd passed the exam, and she basically went, "hmm." I keep letting myself fall into that trap everytime. I allow myself to get hopeful when I manage to do something worth being proud of doing, only to become crestfallen to realize yet again that they really don't care.
    I don't know how old you are but it's possible he's worried about the kind of people you're talking to online. You know, with all the scammers, creepers, fakers, etc.

  2. #9742

    Default Re: Confession Session

    So basically all the people you'll meet in life regardless.

  3. #9743

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by piratemarimo View Post
    Spoiler:
    I hate that I can't do anything without my dad asking me, "What are you up to? So who're you chatting with?" Obviously I'm chatting with someone online. He's always had this condescending way of referring to the internet/internet friends, and anything I enjoy doing. He doesn't think he is doing that, but I know damn well how he thinks. Completely assbackwards. I'll say "a friend" and he'll saying, "but WHO are you chatting with I want to know who it is. is it male or female? have you actually met them in person?" as if that should have anything to do with friendship. Morons who think that friendship can't be formed online are living in the past. with the kinds of technological advances allowing us to speak to all sorts of people, why shouldn't that happen? what's so damn wrong about talking to people who live in different places? Any idea how hard it is to talk to people in real life who have common interests? When I've spent most of my life getting stared at like a freak for saying what interests me, why would I ever want to talk to people in person? I have a few close friends, and while they like many things I'm not familiar with, we have lots of common ground too. Hell, they've gotten me into new things!

    The other annoying thing is that lately, I can't achieve anything, no matter how minor, without my dad trying to preach to me about "now if you could just do this for your schoolwork..." He's being a complete buzzkill. I improved table tennis skills! "Great, now if you just apply this to school!" Yeah except the key difference being I LIKE table tennis and do it for leisure. I despise school. Why can't I have fun without him shoehorning in a lecture. I finally passed my fucking written exam today after we've been putting it off for a while, and I can't even get some appreciate for ten seconds before getting the "great now apply that to your schoolwork." Which is still a couple months away yet. I know I've been doing terribly, but if I'm not even going to be recognized for doing something right, it keeps making me feel like my parents don't even see me anymore. It's always, "but this could be better." While that's not bad for self-improvement in the right context, in this case it's really more like "but this isn't good enough." I told my mom today, and I was excited to finally be able to tell her I'd passed the exam, and she basically went, "hmm." I keep letting myself fall into that trap everytime. I allow myself to get hopeful when I manage to do something worth being proud of doing, only to become crestfallen to realize yet again that they really don't care.
    It's normal behavior for a father. Whenever my dad is around I cease all computer activity because he'll look at the desktop to see what I'm doing. Curiosity I assume?
    As for the work stuff, I'd just say do stuff and accomplish stuff for you and not for them. If they're not proud, well, too bad, but what matters is that you're proud of it yourself because in the end you're the one accomplishing things and motivating yourself.

    And it's true, we all need acknowledgement and for people to notice that we're being awesome, but really, if you keep doing things right people eventually notice without you having to point it out. And then it means more when they point it out and compliment you for it without you asking for them to evaluate you.

  4. #9744

    Default Re: Confession Session

    I personally prefer RL friends because with online friends it's just not the same level of interaction, and I understand where he's coming from, but it does irk me and I can see why, like when my mom checks in on me. Worst thing I ever did was accept her on FB. Embarrassing. Everything I like or comment on she has to talk about. It's still real life friends since those are the only ones I have on my FB and family members as well as people we both have on our FB if they're family friends or work friends or whatever but it's still annoying.

  5. #9745

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Yeah, I usually close the window to AP if one of my family members or close friends come in the room. And considering the current avatar/sig set I'm sporting, it should be fairly obvious why.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; July 2nd, 2013 at 06:11 PM. Reason: A lot of people are terrified of me in real life. If only they knew.~

  6. #9746

    Default Re: Confession Session

    I just stay on FB but scroll quickly so she doesn't notice a photo of a friend or relative or acquaintance and be like "OH IS THAT HIM/HER?" or something.

    I remember when just changing the tab to YouTube or Google would work, haha.

  7. #9747

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Bleh, I've started to take up smoking to help with some serious anxiety issues. I think I just default to the worst possible realistic option now.

  8. #9748
    -COLATECHOCOLATECHOCO- Sai-chan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    eating the world's suppoly of chocolate

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Kenny View Post
    A lot of people are terrified of me in real life. If only they knew.~
    like i said to hiroy
    you two are just big fluffy bunnies

  9. #9749

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobjr View Post
    Bleh, I've started to take up smoking to help with some serious anxiety issues. I think I just default to the worst possible realistic option now.
    smoking = worst realistic option? Nah. A fair number of folks smoke to alleviate anxiety.

  10. #9750
    of the Hundred Beasts The Laughing Man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Watching a fat, egg-shaped woman fall down a waterfall.

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Smoking isn't the best thing to do to alleviate anxiety. You're trading one issue (emotional health) for another (physical health).

    I have anxiety myself (though, based on what I've seen in here from you Bobjr, it isn't as bad as your's whatsoever), and I still don't smoke or drink.


  11. #9751

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Sai-chan View Post
    like i said to hiroy
    you two are just big fluffy bunnies
    Now I feel like this is an inappropriate time to make this post.~

    ---

    Random, spur-of-the-moment, serious confession.

    Spoiler:
    Life is interesting...

    Back when I was 16, I met a really close friend of mine, Stacey. At that time, she was 15. I'm thinking 15 must be the age of significance for a lot of people because I left a profound impact on both her and my ex-girlfriend, Sami, who was also 15 at the time. And what's interesting to me is that I impacted them both for the same reason.

    I got them to stop cutting themselves.

    Back then, and even now honestly, I didn't really consider it a life-changing action. I don't consider myself the hero type or any of that nonsense so when I'm told that the actions I performed back then became a firm foundation for those individuals' growth, it really hits me. What I mean in this case is that... when I was depressed for a little while a few weeks back, Stacey showed me a letter she wrote when she was 15.

    It was a letter of desperation and depression, filled with hopelessness, and yet... at some point in the letter she mentions the promise she made to me, that she would never cut herself again. And ever since she made that promise to me, she's considered me her closest friend (and she makes it very obvious; she's very clingy).

    And then there's Sami... the girl I fell in love with. Who told me that she felt a sincere connection to me when I showed concern over her cutting herself. And of course we performed our foolish dance and attempted to evolve that connection into love... Trying to find solace and comfort in one another; me with my insecurities and complete lack of self-esteem, her trying to find strength in my sympathetic concern...

    And then I wonder if we were too young to truly understand what love even means... or maybe we were just that desperate to find mutual affection.

    ...

    I honestly don't know where I'm going with this. But it still occasionally weighs on my mind as I try to make heads or tails of that time period. After all, it's been 4 or 5 years and I'm STILL affected by it... still trapped and bound to the reality that it's all over and scared to face the world again as a result.

    I feel that... I did truly love her. But I'm also thinking that maybe... the psychological need for our mutual attachment and the love itself might be separate entities. After all, I also love Stacey and we're also connected by the same circumstance, but I don't see Stacey as anything more than a hyperactive little sister and thus don't feel a need to be any closer to her than we already are.

    Though she has said something along the lines of, "We're closer than siblings but less than lovers".

    I feel that with Sami, besides just the love, what I'm fundamentally missing from that time period is the mutual attachment we had with one another. Where we relied heavily on bouncing off each other's personalities. And I know for a fact that she's had difficulty maintaining stability in her relationships since our break-up as well. I think what we had going was a working, mutual relationship where we got used to the crutch of "each other".

    ...

    I know I'm being vague and weird here but it's like... I'm a very nurturing person. And obviously she needed to be nurtured because she wanted to be showered with care and affection. And by the same token, I like to know that I'm needed. It validates my existence and gives me a reason to keep living.

    I haven't been able to move forward since then because... I'm probably afraid of the possibility of obtaining that mutual structure again someday and then possibly losing it again. I built my foundation, the way I can tackle and handle life, off of that mutual relationship... And I feel like that's the reason I've been in such a profound decline.

    Man, I'm rambling incoherently.~

    Basically, it's taken me 4/5 years to finally be able to objectively psychoanalyze my relationship problems.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; July 2nd, 2013 at 07:25 PM. Reason: The forum stalled so this didn't post at first but it would have happened before your post.

  12. #9752

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobjr View Post
    Bleh, I've started to take up smoking to help with some serious anxiety issues. I think I just default to the worst possible realistic option now.
    You know why anxiety is so dangerous, aside from the physical effect of stress?
    It's because it pushes people into really bad addictive stuff just to escape. And it's not a casual puff or bit of loosening beer. It's desperate plummiting toward the full deal addiction and alcoholism. Mostly because even if it does work, which it really won't, it only works for a little while before your back to sober and clawing to escape again.
    That's the formula for "Gee, I wish I could never be sober" which makes the worst addictions.
    Don't.Do.This. Full stop.

  13. #9753
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Ponyville

    Default Re: Confession Session

    So it looks like I'm not the only one here who hides their forum activities from family members.
    Quote Originally Posted by piratemarimo View Post
    I hate that I can't do anything without my dad asking me, "What are you up to? So who're you chatting with?" Obviously I'm chatting with someone online. He's always had this condescending way of referring to the internet/internet friends, and anything I enjoy doing. He doesn't think he is doing that, but I know damn well how he thinks. Completely assbackwards. I'll say "a friend" and he'll saying, "but WHO are you chatting with I want to know who it is. is it male or female? have you actually met them in person?" as if that should have anything to do with friendship. Morons who think that friendship can't be formed online are living in the past. with the kinds of technological advances allowing us to speak to all sorts of people, why shouldn't that happen? what's so damn wrong about talking to people who live in different places? Any idea how hard it is to talk to people in real life who have common interests? When I've spent most of my life getting stared at like a freak for saying what interests me, why would I ever want to talk to people in person? I have a few close friends, and while they like many things I'm not familiar with, we have lots of common ground too. Hell, they've gotten me into new things!
    Unfortunately, these kinds of people always have, and always will exist. I would imagine fear of the unknown has something to do with it. I've thankfully realised this early in life, so I now to try to be as open minded possible. I do it in the hopes that I can avoid becoming a miserable old man, who thinks any new life style or technology is the spawn of Satan. Anyway, you can at least be grateful that your father hasn't stopped you from coming here. The last time I told someone about my forum activities, I was ratted out within a week and lost internet privileges for over a year. That left me depressed for a very loooooooong time. Was I being over dramatic? Probably. But think of it like this-- I was 14, I had just left a school where basically no one liked me, I was just starting to make friends with people there, and I was about to begin homeschooling. It's not like I was gonna have loads of opportunities to meet new real life friends at that time. For that reason, I don't tell anyone I know that this site even exists. I mean, all that stuff I said a couple days ago about masturbation? I honestly think I'd rather get outed for that before I let anyone find out about this place.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitsune Inferno View Post
    Of course, the big thing stopping me from taking initiative is wondering about the point: I leave for college in a month anyway. Who are these people going to be to me then?

    I think it takes balls to admit the things you've said, even on an internet forum. For that, I commend you. (Sorry I can't help beyond that.)

  14. #9754
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

    Default Re: Confession Session

    lol! having to hide forum activities from your parents/family. That;'s heavy. My parents honestly don;'t give two fucks anymore about what I do its great.

  15. #9755
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Ponyville

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Old Mate
    I think you worry too much about being judged. I feel the same, not in person but on Facebook funnily enough hence why I never post anything. It's weird. I don't know its if I've become too paranoid from smokign too much weed, but I just am now.
    Hmm, I wonder...

  16. #9756

    Default Re: Confession Session

    My mom would flip if she found out I was using a message board called Arlong Park. Wasn't Arlong some racist dude?

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by Sai-chan View Post
    like i said to hiroy
    you two are just big fluffy bunnies
    oh hush you i'm terrfying.

  17. #9757
    -COLATECHOCOLATECHOCO- Sai-chan's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Location
    eating the world's suppoly of chocolate

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Hiroy View Post
    oh hush you i'm terrfying.
    you're the least terrifying person i know
    Last edited by Sai-chan; July 2nd, 2013 at 10:51 PM. Reason: and kenny, even after reading all that, you are still a giant fluffy bunny

  18. #9758
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
    Join Date
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    Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Sai-chan View Post
    you're the least terrifying person i know
    what makes someone terrifying?

  19. #9759

    Default Re: Confession Session

    In Sai's case, chocolate.
    Handsome man save me from the monsters.

    Avatar credits to rcerione

  20. #9760
    -COLATECHOCOLATECHOCO- Sai-chan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    eating the world's suppoly of chocolate

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by trappedolphin View Post
    In Sai's case, chocolate.
    you know, without any context, that makes no sense whatsoever

    but that doesn't really matter now does it
    Last edited by Sai-chan; July 3rd, 2013 at 12:23 AM. Reason: ehehehehehee

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