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Type: Posts; User: ChesCa

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  1. Replies
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    Re: Stormgold (and maybe other things later)

    Ah man this story is way overdue.

    I loved it. The only thing stopping me from saying it should be a movie is that I'm not that confident in my critiquing skills, but at the very least it could be...
  2. Thread: Stargazer

    by ChesCa
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    102,415

    Re: Stargazer

    Been a while. Going to start with chapter 27.

    You used incident twice in the opening, and you mispelled close as 'lose' in one part, and the part where Terry questions whether he wanted to look...
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    Re: Holy shit, Prismeru always has Writer's block.

    I know jack shit about innotations so I won't bother even worrying about that.

    It should be 'weren't gunshot sounds.'

    Aside from that you give yourself too little credit. You're doing perfectly...
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    Re: Holy shit, Prismeru always has Writer's block.

    If it's of any assistance I'd be more than happy to correct grammar and sentence structure and stuff, even if I can't help translate.
  5. Re: Liberate Me Ex Hoc Furor - Save Me From This Madness

    Hey I know this is a short story and all (and the contest was long past), but this story barely felt like a tragedy and more like 'a list of things I liked to do before my parents died.'

    ....
    ...
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    Re: Blade-Bearer Academy

    Critique first:
    "Main girl even though she saw someone wearing a sheathed kitchen-knife as if it was a weapon" You need to rewrite that sentence.

    "“Well. Great. I guess that's all we would have...
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    Re: Holy shit, Prismeru always has Writer's block.

    I'm also sad I can't really give you that much feedback, cause you deserve more :(

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Actually can we get English translations in the future?
  8. Re: Glib's Ambition! NaNoWriMo No Backspace Charenji?

    For something with no backspacing this was pretty good. You definitely have an outline and cast all set up and ready to go, although it feels like the story is taking a tad too long to really get the...
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    Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    I would have commented earlier but I just finished processing the story.
    This needs to be drawn and voice acted.
  10. Thread: Chimera Phase

    by ChesCa
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    18,986

    Re: Chimera Phase

    Have almost nothing to say about this chapter overall except a couple of things:
    1. Your flow, characterization and comedy are getting better.
    2. That part where he faces the camera.... yeah how...
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    Re: Nexus to the Nex.

    Finally got to read this story. I'll just assume Val got the technical specifics.
    Cons:
    This sums up the scene with Randy trying to get him onto his last job. ...
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    Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Not bad, it's a lot more vivid this time around.
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    Re: How one OUGHT not to write

    Hrm, the opening was the best part, but the '4 Months' section could be summed up as a lot of tell and no show, the description merely listing off a bunch of actions.

    I liked how Thad became more...
  14. Thread: C-O-L-O-U-R-S

    by ChesCa
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    12,136

    Re: C-O-L-O-U-R-S

    Hrm, I will say that it establishes direction and the mood (somewhat) but that's it.

    I like 'COLOURS' better because hey, seven letters, just like the seven colors of the rainbow.
  15. Thread: Printing Press

    by ChesCa
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    Re: Printing Press

    Going by the readings, you're not so much 'Print Error' as 'Zesty Non-Eucladian Prose.'

    Poetry is hard for me, but that story... heh, I've lived moments like those, although what made the prose...
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    Re: Garbled Sanctuary (and other stuff as well)

    This chapter took me a while to realize that Janine was a new character, partially because I haven't read in a while but also because in the beginning there's a lot of 'floating dialogue' (dialogue...
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    Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    I felt that there was a couple of sentences too many drawing attention to the breast, but I can understand it somewhat.

    Otherwise I think it's a pretty good snap shot piece, a moment in time with...
  18. Thread: Stargazer

    by ChesCa
    Replies
    109
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    102,415

    Re: Stargazer

    I need to do your story first just so I don't feel like I'm singling it out to be left out.

    Overall the chapter was alright, I would comment that some parts could use a little more description...
  19. Re: Using Suspense or: How I Learned to Change the Bomb and Cause Worrying

    I know it's way past the time where you make your thesis but fuck it I love this conversation.

    I'm not a horror buff in the strictest sense of the term but I am familiar with my experience with...
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    Re: Noqanky goes back to writing

    I like both of these short stories, but the former more than the latter.

    The former was an actually pretty charming mix of slice of life meeting fantasy, as well as the wonder and dangers of...
  21. Thread: Chimera Phase

    by ChesCa
    Replies
    26
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    18,986

    Re: Chimera Phase

    I got a little lost at first but I caught the whiff of the plot pretty quickly.

    The competence line had me laughing. XD

    This chapter is pretty alright but kind of short and seems more like a...
  22. Thread: Spirit Wolf

    by ChesCa
    Replies
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    49,109

    Re: Spirit Wolf

    I like that old woman already. She adds a new element to the Spiritless Men: knowing what a Tonrar is and yet hating it anyway.

    Chena's exposition dump was pretty bad. :/ Find some way to have her...
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    Poll: Re: Group Focus: The Back Scratching Initiative

    The last line should've been Glance standing in a circle in shock.
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    Poll: Re: Group Focus: The Back Scratching Initiative

    Empathy comes from understanding or a relation to whatever the object is. One can hate a


    person and still manage to find some sympathy or something in common with them. Apathy now, that's ...
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    Re: The R&R Corner: Reading and Reviews

    Yukino:

    Therapy in Japan has changed 500 years in the future with the advent of the ShikaPlus, a cap that can diagnose any mental illness and prescribe the exact medication needed to eradicate it....
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    Poll: Re: Group Focus: The Back Scratching Initiative

    Hey all, just wanted to say I really enjoyed last night despite how weird it sometimes got.

    That said I'm afraid I won't be able to attend any of today's. :( I need to get caught up on my work.
  27. Replies
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    Poll: Re: Group Focus: The Back Scratching Initiative

    I'm there so I'll try organizing.



    I wasn't sure what to do. I had so many story ideas but none of them seemed viable or pleasant


    enough to share but they were all too good and...
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    Re: The R&R Corner: Reading and Reviews

    Yeah we might need to put a timer on everything at the very least.
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    Re: Hiroy Descriminates Art once Again ver2

    I like the warm colors of the clouds contrasted with the coolness of the night sky.
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    Re: the beast's actual real art thread

    Pretty much agreed, although I was talking about art more for the experience than for professionalism.
    Whenever I hear someone say 'I wish I could draw' my feelings are that you can draw for the...
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