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Ah man this story is way overdue.

I loved it. The only thing stopping me from saying it should be a movie is that I'm not that confident in my critiquing skills, but at the very least it could be...

Been a while. Going to start with chapter 27.

You used incident twice in the opening, and you mispelled close as 'lose' in one part, and the part where Terry questions whether he wanted to look...

I know jack shit about innotations so I won't bother even worrying about that.

It should be 'weren't gunshot sounds.'

Aside from that you give yourself too little credit. You're doing perfectly...

If it's of any assistance I'd be more than happy to correct grammar and sentence structure and stuff, even if I can't help translate.

Hey I know this is a short story and all (and the contest was long past), but this story barely felt like a tragedy and more like 'a list of things I liked to do before my parents died.'

....
...

Critique first:
"Main girl even though she saw someone wearing a sheathed kitchen-knife as if it was a weapon" You need to rewrite that sentence.

"“Well. Great. I guess that's all we would have...

I'm also sad I can't really give you that much feedback, cause you deserve more :(

--- Update From New Post Merge ---

Actually can we get English translations in the future?

For something with no backspacing this was pretty good. You definitely have an outline and cast all set up and ready to go, although it feels like the story is taking a tad too long to really get the...

I would have commented earlier but I just finished processing the story.
This needs to be drawn and voice acted.

Have almost nothing to say about this chapter overall except a couple of things:
1. Your flow, characterization and comedy are getting better.
2. That part where he faces the camera.... yeah how...

Finally got to read this story. I'll just assume Val got the technical specifics.
Cons:
This sums up the scene with Randy trying to get him onto his last job. ...

Not bad, it's a lot more vivid this time around.

Hrm, the opening was the best part, but the '4 Months' section could be summed up as a lot of tell and no show, the description merely listing off a bunch of actions.

I liked how Thad became more...

Hrm, I will say that it establishes direction and the mood (somewhat) but that's it.

I like 'COLOURS' better because hey, seven letters, just like the seven colors of the rainbow.

Going by the readings, you're not so much 'Print Error' as 'Zesty Non-Eucladian Prose.'

Poetry is hard for me, but that story... heh, I've lived moments like those, although what made the prose...

This chapter took me a while to realize that Janine was a new character, partially because I haven't read in a while but also because in the beginning there's a lot of 'floating dialogue' (dialogue...

I felt that there was a couple of sentences too many drawing attention to the breast, but I can understand it somewhat.

Otherwise I think it's a pretty good snap shot piece, a moment in time with...

I need to do your story first just so I don't feel like I'm singling it out to be left out.

Overall the chapter was alright, I would comment that some parts could use a little more description...

I know it's way past the time where you make your thesis but fuck it I love this conversation.

I'm not a horror buff in the strictest sense of the term but I am familiar with my experience with...

I like both of these short stories, but the former more than the latter.

The former was an actually pretty charming mix of slice of life meeting fantasy, as well as the wonder and dangers of...

I got a little lost at first but I caught the whiff of the plot pretty quickly.

The competence line had me laughing. XD

This chapter is pretty alright but kind of short and seems more like a...

I like that old woman already. She adds a new element to the Spiritless Men: knowing what a Tonrar is and yet hating it anyway.

Chena's exposition dump was pretty bad. :/ Find some way to have her...

The last line should've been Glance standing in a circle in shock.

Empathy comes from understanding or a relation to whatever the object is. One can hate a


person and still manage to find some sympathy or something in common with them. Apathy now, that's ...

Yukino:

Therapy in Japan has changed 500 years in the future with the advent of the ShikaPlus, a cap that can diagnose any mental illness and prescribe the exact medication needed to eradicate it....

Hey all, just wanted to say I really enjoyed last night despite how weird it sometimes got.

That said I'm afraid I won't be able to attend any of today's. :( I need to get caught up on my work.

I'm there so I'll try organizing.



I wasn't sure what to do. I had so many story ideas but none of them seemed viable or pleasant


enough to share but they were all too good and...

Yeah we might need to put a timer on everything at the very least.

I like the warm colors of the clouds contrasted with the coolness of the night sky.

Pretty much agreed, although I was talking about art more for the experience than for professionalism.
Whenever I hear someone say 'I wish I could draw' my feelings are that you can draw for the...