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Type: Posts; User: ChesCa

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    Re: Concerto di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    I know this is your first draft but it's never too early for comments.

    -'Faith militant indeed.' That didn't feel like something a child in her situation would think. :/

    -The comment of Batle...
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    Re: Concerto di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Where Halley was manipulative and openly lecherous while still having good in him, Cortez clearly has a conflict of interest between his duty, what is right and his lust for the person he is...
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    Re: Concerto di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Read it.
    I think we're not seeing enough examples of how oppressed Alysa is feeling. Maybe we'll see more of that later but right now she seems to be a pretty privileged female. Also, her brother...
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    Re: Concerto di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Ah dangit Fox! I thought I finally caught up with my reading!
    I'll read the second verse this week you magnificent productive bastard!
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    Re: Concerto di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    I read your prologue, and it is amazing. You have grown at least twenty fold as a writer. Lorya's psyche and Lily's dialogue was very smooth. 'Aleks' is really cool too, and this is despite (I think)...
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    Re: Concerto di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Not much to say at the moment except I do want to see more.
    Let's see how the politics of this works out.
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    Re: Concero di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Ah, your story is last for tonight. @_@
    I can only summarize it this way:
    Pros: Your writing style is much more developed and easy to follow, and aside from a somewhat passive voice you fit really...
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    Re: Concero di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Testing testing one two.
    Favor in progress. Please hold while the world ends
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    Re: Concero di Ali: The Battle of Solocima

    Looking forward to it.
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